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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 26 Feb 2017, 20:48 
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Rescuing a Junior from the lake
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3 1/2 months is a long time with no break from boring working weeks! It's very annoying that you don't get half term after leaving education :lol: .

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 27 Feb 2017, 00:26 
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Alison H wrote:
3 1/2 months is a long time with no break from boring working weeks! It's very annoying that you don't get half term after leaving education :lol: .


I don't get Easter off where I work; even when I have had Easter off it has never been the Friday and the Monday but one or the other.

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 27 Feb 2017, 15:16 
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Thank you all for your kind support.

I am defeated.

She says that 'obviously' we cannot discuss clinical decisions via text, which does rather beg the question of why six days ago she told me that that was exactly what she would do. She will send me a letter this week, she says. I suppose it's possible that she might.

And she requests me not to text her again.

I can't help wondering whether the answer is no, I'm not allowed therapy, and she doesn't want to have to tell me.

Anyway, she has made it very clear who has the power in this relationship. My job is to answer all her questions and then sit around and wait while she does whatever she can be bothered to do whenever she can be bothered to do it.

If by any small chance the answer turns out to be yes, I will request a new care co-ordinator. I can't work with a liar.

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 27 Feb 2017, 15:40 
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I'm sorry you're having all this hassle. I don't find text messaging an ideal form of communication for anything more than a few words, but surely she could pick up the phone or arrange an appointment to meet in person.

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 27 Feb 2017, 15:47 
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I hate using the phone. I asked her to text. She said she would.

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 27 Feb 2017, 15:53 
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(((((((((((((((Abbey)))))))))))))))

I sincerely hope things work out for you, Abbey.

My manager has finally set a date to come and see me where I currently work - this Wednesday, 1 March.. She's emailed the practice manager and dep practice manager to let them know she's coming; she mentions that someone else who already works here may come over "if she is not happy". By "she", I don't know whether she means me or the person who may come over, very ambiguous.

I've had enough; it's my life they're messing around with and I want straight unambiguous answers.


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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 28 Feb 2017, 22:35 
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Abbey wrote:
I hate using the phone. I asked her to text. She said she would.

Abbey so sorry you are going through this. I hope she can see how it's making things worse for you. Surely her role is to be there for you? Sending you a lot of hugs xx

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 09:37 
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Line manager came yesterday afternoon and it gets worse; people are complaining about my appearance. I want to retire, I really want to retire but whichever way you look at it, the budget would be so tight, I don't know how I'd cope.

feeling downright depressed now.


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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 09:52 
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(((Liz))) that's dreadful! Would you be able to find a part time job that is more agreeable, to take you up to retirement age? Did she tell you what is wrong with your appearance - that seems a very personal comment to me.


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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 09:55 
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The fact that I wear tshirts instead of blouses, my appearance could do with smartening up, I need to lose weight which is difficult with regard to exercise as I don't walk well at the moment. And one complaint which is so horrible I'm not repeating it on here but it reduced us both to tears.

As for the department at where I was working before - they're readvertising the post I applied for and was turned down, they've been advertising it for months and don't seem able to fill it. I told my manager I want to say "serves you right" to them but she says it's not worth it, they don't care.

ETA I'm 56, 57 in May, so my age doesn't help.


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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 10:33 
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((Liz)). Unless there's a workplace dress code which requires you to dress with a certain degree of formality, which I assume there isn't, then comments about your clothes are inappropriate. And comments about your weight are even worse.

I sympathise - I was very overweight for several years whilst in my previous job, and I was always assigned to jobs which only involved working in-house, whilst a slim colleague at the same level was given all the jobs which involved going out to visit clients. I did keep asking about it at appraisals, and no-one ever admitted that it was weight-related, but I still think that that had a lot to do with it. If you're doing a desk job, then your weight has no relevance to your work, and it's horrible that people have to put up with this sort of attitude.

I hope you're able to find somewhere else. No-one should have to put up with comments like that.

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 11:46 
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Hugs to everyone who needs them! Abbey, I can't believe she's still not replied or how this has played out. Liz, I'm no expert but I'd have thought the comments about weight would fall under discrimination. I hope you're getting some of the straight answers you need re. the other stuff.


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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 13:28 
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Seconding Alison H's and roversgirl's comments, Liz.

And it's still all hearsay, from the sound of it, which is bad - forgive my scepticism about your manager, but from my own observation and experience, complaints about colleagues' appearance usually come from management; one's peers are much more prone to complain about actions and comments. In any case, wishing you the very best of luck with this one, and I'm beginning to think it's time to invoke someone from Welfare!


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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 13:53 
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Endorsing all that is said above but I also wonder whether it is worth battling on in this environment. I too have very grave doubts about your line manager. Sounds like "woman speak with forked tongue" to me.

Taking early retirement will feel like a massively dangerous step but in my experience it is often not until one has taken that step, that other things, completely unexpected ones, fall into place. I am sure I have quoted this somewhere on the CBB before but it has come true for me so many times that here it is again:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets:
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!”
― William Hutchison Murray


German speakers - don't try to track down the Goethe couplet - he doesn't appear to have said anything quite like that in all his writings. There is much on-line about the mystery of how it has come to be attributed to him....

As a heavyweight myself, it wasn't until I decided that not one ounce of my weight made any difference to my brain or my competency that I became able to ignore (and therefore not perceive) any attempts to belittle me because of it. Maybe I had been lucky and there were none, other than in my head, anyway.

To end with another quote - Lillie Langtry on hearing that people were saying things about her and the Prince of Wales:
"They say? What say they? Let them say!"

The very best of luck Liz - keep coming back here for support if we are helpful.

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 20:44 
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((((Liz)))) Poor you; how horrible. People really can be arseholes. I would, like others, question why in the world your line manager is telling you this stuff. That seems monumentally unnecessary to me and very unprofessional. I'm not surprised you've had enough - the whole situation sounds horrendous.

My fun news for today is that I have been discharged by the CMHT as they cannot offer me CAT (a kind of therapy; the only one of the three they offer that I would have been eligible for, since I refuse to put myself through the horror of CBT again). The reason given is not, which I would have understood, that CAT is unsuitable for me for whatever reason. Oh no. The reason is that I am "not ready for change". Despite the fact that I told them that change is literally my only option other than killing myself because I refuse to live like this for another sixty years. According to Stupid Susy, my "care-coordinator" (who has failed to coordinate any care for me whatsoever), "there are blockages in the way". No idea what she meant by that. I mean, if there weren't blockages, I wouldn't need therapy to be able to change; I'd be able to do it myself without any problems! So. My sister has offered to pay for private therapy out of her PIP money, since she doesn't have a carer at the moment, and my mum has offered to do the same out of the proceeds of her house sale. But it's such a dreary prospect. Who knows how many therapists I'll have to go through before I find someone I can work with and how long that will take. And I don't want to have to take money from either of them. Except that now it's the only option. There's a training place nearby where you can get discounted sessions with a trainee but even so there's no way I could pay for it myself on ESA, and it's not like either my mum or my sister is earning!

Sorry to be whinging on here so much... I feel very defeated and despondent and hopeless at the moment.

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 21:55 
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Abbey, I don't know how these people expect anyone to keep going without any encouragement. Sadly, I don't have the answers, but please keep talking to us on here, especially if it helps at all. Hugs (if wanted).


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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 02 Mar 2017, 22:20 
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I am equally horrified by both your experiences Liz and Abbey.

Since your line manager is awful, can you go to HR? Equally could retire from the civil service but try for a job outwith it, since trying to find a position within it doesn't seem to be working.

Abbey, I only tried CBT once but I got a good one. Prior to that, I had a useless one. I know you don't want to but of the options are bad (taking money from people who care about you) or awful (no counselling/therapy at all) I would take the money. Seriously, I wish I had been less prideful (is that a word?) when I had no money and major financal trouble. Is there no free counselling options where you live? Can - if you have the energy - fight this absurd, ridiculous decision?

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 03 Mar 2017, 10:31 
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Thank you, thank you all so much for your lovely wonderful supportive comments. I was at home yesterday and am again today, going back to work on Monday. I did see my Doctor at the beginning of January and she gave me a form to take to hospital to have my leg xrayed which I didn't do until yesterday because I was afraid of what I'd hear. I went to the hospital yesterdeay morning and my doctor is to ring me next Thursday with the results.


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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 03 Mar 2017, 14:08 
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Abbey, I don;t know why you hate CBT so much, but 8 years ago I had a whole year of it, which is very unusual on the national health, and it was the best thing I ever did, It changed my whole way of thinking. I've slid backwards a time or two, but kept all my notes etc and refer to them when that happens. I must say it would depend very much on the counsellor you get and mine was truly wonderful and very patient. I suppose it's just pot luck, but it might be worth seeing if you could have a different person doing it with you.

(((Abbey)))

Liz, I said right from the beginning I didn't trust your line manager, and I would say that's been emphasised by the way she's telling you all that people have supposedly been saying about your appearance. No decent line manager would ever do such a thing. Is she trying to destroy you?

Good luck with the results of the X-ray.

(((Liz)))

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 Post subject: Re: The all-new whinges about weather and whatever else thre
PostPosted: 03 Mar 2017, 16:26 
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Liz, put in a formal complaint about your line manager.

She is playing Divide and Rule, and the worst outcome of this is that you lose your confidence, your ability to do your job, and eventually, your job itself.

Make it perfectly clear that she has been undermining you, not helping you to settle into a new work environment, and it would seem, very strongly, that she has been talking about you behind your back.

I think that you should forcefully request that you have an Environmental Health professional to come in to see you. Remember Lesley? Well, that's what she does.

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