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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 01 Apr 2017, 12:49 
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Asked to help with the play
Asked to help with the play

Joined: 17 Nov 2011, 02:45
Posts: 889
Dear Jr Dr,

The traditional remedy for these cases is to make yourself objectionable to the unmarried sister of the owner of the medical facility at which point she will be removed to India and you will be left in peace.

Should there be no unmarried sister, you could try cosying up to both the head of the medical facility and his wife. Objectionable as though this may be in the short-term, it will allow you all the time you want to pursue research as the couple concerned try to outmanoeuvre each other and, ultimately, a significant pay-off and transfer to the major research facility of your choice arranged by Sir James the Human Resources Department.

We do not advise turning to the pleasures of the Casino as a solution



Dear Chaletian,

Where are the lavatories?

Desperate of IVb


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 13 May 2017, 00:03 
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Chosen for the Lacrosse team
Chosen for the Lacrosse team
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Joined: 03 Jan 2010, 22:35
Posts: 1258
Location: Berkshire, England
Dear Desperate of IVb

A lavatory is literally a place where one washes - so these are the Splasheries. However we do know that the facilities to which you are euphemistically referring do exist - on one occasion one poor child had to wait until she was rescued by ladder from a locked room before she could "be excused" (another euphemism!). Surely your "sheepdog" would have explained the layout of the school including such an important location - if not, you'd better find her quickly and ask!!

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian

Why is no-one writing in to this illustrious magazine at present? As it stands the next issue will have no "letters to the editor" page which would be the first time such a situation had arisen

The Editor


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 29 May 2017, 00:34 
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Asked to help with the play
Asked to help with the play

Joined: 17 Nov 2011, 02:45
Posts: 889
Dear Editor,

Alas! The modern young woman rejects the counsel of the experienced and sagacious woman and prefers the instant and easily digested pabulum provided by "Bong" and "Giggle".

Do not despair! One has seen these fashions rise - and fall - previously. Rest assured that, as she ages, the heedless schoolgirl will come to appreciate those around her who have watched so carefully over her early girlhood. Be prepared for that embarrassed and stumbling step; the reluctant and faint knock on the door and welcome the errant and erring child with a smile. Do not reproach her childhood weakness but make your room a quiet haven in the frantic hustle-and-bustle of everyday life.

(That's enough. Ed)
(But I am just getting started)
(That's what I am worried about. Ed)
(But..)
(This is not a Charlotte Yonge novel. Ed)


Dear Chaletian,

I have tried to provide help and assistance to Certain People who do not seem to realise that they are No Longer As Young As They Used To Be. Unfortunately they are losing their grip on the school magazine things and reject my attempts to help.

I have tried sharpening all their pencils but even that ended up in mockery. I understand that their life is Not Easy and try to Accept Things in a Truly Christian Spirit but I am starting to lose heart

Yours faithfully,
Catherine


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 30 May 2017, 13:57 
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Meeting the escort mistress
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Joined: 20 Dec 2016, 13:46
Posts: 34
Location: West Midlands
Dear Catherine

Unfortunately you appear to have been placed in the wrong plot. I suggest you write to your sainted mother requesting a removal to any of the numerous establishments promoted by A Brazil, where your unbearably pi self-sacrificing acts and unjustified sense of moral superiorityTruly Christian Spirit will be received with gratitude and probably a prize at the end of term.

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian

I was really excited to be the first Asian girl in the school. I thought I'd be the catalyst for all sorts of plots, but I got about half a chapter then disappeared for ever. Any advice on how to make the most of my 15 pages of fame?

yours
Ignored of India


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 30 May 2017, 19:52 
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Battling with Matey
Battling with Matey

Joined: 29 May 2009, 18:01
Posts: 196
Location: North west Germany
Thank you, AilidhNoor, for explaining as I didn't know who Catherine was. I'm strictly a CS fan and haven't re-read any other school stories since my youth so sometimes I have a rather lost feeling when people discuss other authors on this board.

I would love to post a reply to Ignored of India on behalf on the Chaletian but sadly inspiration is lacking on who might like to write to the Chaletian next and that is a rule of this topic, I believe.

So I'll leave that to someone else. Here is my reply:

Dear Ignored of India,
You are correct that shortly after you were at the Chalet School Kashmir did join India but in 1943 when you got your 15 minutes pages of fame Kashmir was actually still a principality (according to my friend Wiki) so perhaps you should have have called yourself Confused of Kashmir?
Anyway to answer your question, how about some personal merchandising? Get a good agent with contacts to PR companies. Clothing? Perfume? Indian food lines? I'm sure there will enough Old Girls who would like to buy into whatever you choose and be willing to support this, especially if you offer to donate 20 5% to charity (the San? the poor parish in Innsbruck? girl's education in the Indian sub-continent?)
I hope that you will receive an official answer from the Chaletian soon,
Good luck,
the frau46


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 16 Jun 2017, 21:16 
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Arguing with your guardian
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Joined: 15 Jun 2017, 19:28
Posts: 8
This seems like fun.

Dear Chaletian, hopefully I am not too late to ask a question before the next edition of the magazine is published. I have been teaching at the CS for a while now and feel that I was mid-sold the position. I was assured that my reward for teaching for a few years would be my very own doctor. Not only has this not happened but everyone thinks that I'm having an affair with one of the other mistresses. I want a doctor and I want one now. What advice do you have?

KF


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 17 Jun 2017, 10:11 
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Battling with Matey
Battling with Matey

Joined: 29 May 2009, 18:01
Posts: 196
Location: North west Germany
Dear KF,

We are afraid to say that you will have to wait a while until the Chalet School has caught up with the real world in terms of political correctness and gender equality. As soon as the San employs female doctors you will first on the list for one of them.

With apologies and best wishes for an accident-free teaching career until then,
The Chaletian
PS We suggest you continue your affair discreetly until then.

Dear Chaletian,

I am being followed everywhere by a young new teacher. She and I both teach maths and I am her head of department but she really doesn't need THAT much advice! She even followed me into my bedroom yesterday evening. I am beginning to feel haunted by her and her puppy dog eyes. How can I tactfully tell her that I am not interested in an affair as I am still on the list for a doctor.

Yours desperately,
NW


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 18 Jun 2017, 19:46 
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Arguing with your guardian
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Joined: 15 Jun 2017, 19:28
Posts: 8
Dear NW,

From the unpublished elements of your letter you say that you have been at the school for some time but don't appear to have done anything to attract a doctor. You surely don't expect one to fall into your lap. I therefore suggest that start looking more helpless, that you displace an organ, throw yourself off of a ravine and get lost in some fog.

If that doesn't work, give up.

The Chaletian.


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 18 Jun 2017, 19:51 
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Arguing with your guardian
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Joined: 15 Jun 2017, 19:28
Posts: 8
Dear Chaletian,

My parents promised me faithfully that I could study art needlework if I worked hard at school. I'm not the most academic of people but I've slogged and slogged. Now they say that I have to go to Australia to keep my mother company instead.

Is it because they don't love me?


SR


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