Dear E, How very sad for you. Do you know why the other girls all hate you? Perhaps you could do something nice for them all? If you know any Greek or Latin poetry for example you could maybe give them a recital. This would certainly show them what a clever and special person you are.

Good luck!

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Cestina's dolls houses - Curtain Up!

Dear E,
If you remember that the other girls are right and it is you who is not fitting in you will do better. Act as they wish you to do and stop sneaking on them and you will begin to feel happier. Just follow the example of that nice girl Joey and soon they will all like you.

Chaletian

_________________
Friendship with ones self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Dear Chaletian
You won't know me but I'm one of the nurses at the San. Like many of my colleagues I came out to work here in the middle of nowhere, halfway up a Swiss mountain,in the hopes of bagging a rich doctor for a husband. But they keep getting nicked by the mistresses at the school. Have you any tips for getting the doctors to pay attention to all the gorgeous nurses surrounding them every day? I'm getting so depressed I've nearly finished eating my secret Toblerone stash. Nurse

Dear Chaletian,

Someone has wrecked my beautiful woodwork by polishing with a kitchen ingredient and not making it all smooth. How do I deal with them? G.

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Seeking Rainbows
Asexual, aromantic, genderqueer, Pokémon fan, mathematician, tech lover, human.
IT IS SAID THERE IS A SPIRIT IN THE FOREST DON'T SERVE THE DEVIL - Pokémon "Vietnamese" Crystal

Dear G,
Assuming no one has declared any feuds on you, this was almost certainly done by Middles. What you should do is think up something really unique and horrible for them to do as punishment, which will sort them out for good. Perhaps make them roll around in the kitchen ingredient and then go stand in a field full of insects! All you could just have them undo what they did and redo it properly, I suppose, but you're never going to help them outgrow their mischievousness with that attitude.

_________________
"I wish I had more to do. All I do is read books all day," said no librarian ever.
fanfic, available in shades of Lord Peter Wimsey, Chalet School, Doctor Who, Swallows and Amazons and more!

Dear Chaletian,

I was invited to a school reunion and was looking forward to catching up with old friends, but it's turned out to be a nightmare. Instead of sitting around enjoying ourselves, we've been divided into teams and sent off on hikes. Even worse, the first thing one of the others said to me was that I'd put on weight. How do I get out of here without offending the hostess, who's my sister's best friend? B

_________________
We really must stop eating like this ...

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

http://setinthepast.wordpress.com/

Dear Nurse
We're so pleased you're reading the Chaletian
What I would recommend is that you re-train as a teacher here. On a ramble ensure you fall into a lake whilst chasing naughty girls and you should do fine. It won't work unless you are a teacher though!

Chaletian

_________________
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now be quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Dear B,
If you can manage to do it before anyone else, I recommend a serious but not life-threatening injury or illness. You will be sent to bed in the San and will not have to go on any more hikes. Unfortunately this will only work once so don't let anyone else get injured before you - there may be someone there on the look-out for a doctor who will be trying the same tactic.

Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

I have put on so much weight since coming to the Chalet School that people are beginning to make very personal remarks. I am downhearted, but no-one knows because I also have a problem where I giggle at anything and everything, however inappropriate. No-one knows how sad I feel about my weight and they all treat me as if I'm a funny fat girl. What can I do? H

Dear H,

Girls can be very cruel. I suggest making some pointed comments about how real ladies consider personal remarks to be ill-bred and unkind.

Hope that things look up for you soon,

Chaletian





Dear Chaletian,

I've received notification from the local council that someone's complained about my dog. I can't understand it at all. B is the friendliest, most playful dog you can imagine: he loves to greet people by jumping all over them and licking their faces, and once he was so eager to join in the fun at an event at my daughters' school that he knocked several people off their chairs. The council seem to expect me to "train" him in some way but I'm not really sure what the problem is. Do you have any advice? J

_________________
We really must stop eating like this ...

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

http://setinthepast.wordpress.com/

Dear J
It is very important that you take immediate action about this notice from the local council. You are perhaps unaware that there are strict laws in Switzerland about dog ownership.

You are required to attend mandatory classes in dog care and training which will also encompass medical information such as rabies protection, worming, etc. Your dog has to be chipped and you yourself will be given a medaillion to show that you have successfully passed the course. The penalties for not doing so are draconian.

You are also required to tax your dog (the cost is ca £40) and the dog will be removed (and I regret to say, possibly destroyed) if you do not do so.

So please do not treat this matter in what I fear may be your usual insouciant manner but make contact immediately with your local dog-training class.

*Apologies for cheating somewhat with the timeline *

_________________
Cestina's dolls houses - Curtain Up!

Dear Chaletian,
I've just started a school in Austria, but now I've met a Doctor who wants to marry me. What should I do?
M

Now M, this all depends whether you have dragged several other people halfway accross the continent into the venture with you, and set up a situation where several vunerable young people (who have been abandoned by their own parents in one way or another) look to you as a parent figure. If that were to be so, of course it is fine to leave them all to fend for themselves just at the point that the school starts to become more complicated. Marry the doctor. J

(I leave it up to you to decide which J, there are a few that would work!)

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'An adventure was one thing. But an adventure without something to eat was quite another thing. That wouldn't do at all'
Enid Blyton, The Valley of Adventure

You are all so clever, I've really enjoyed reading the problem pages. Even if I can't think of anything brilliant to add...

_________________
If sparkly vampires are impaled on a wooden stake do they bleed glitter?

Dear Chaletian,

Being anxious to do my patriotic duty during wartime, I recently came out of retirement to take a job as temporary headmistress of a girls' boarding school. It seems to me that the school is not achieving its full potential, and so I'm trying hard to improve exam results and get more girls into top universities. Unfortunately, the rest of the staff here - who include the sister of the school's owner - don't seem interested in improving academic performance, and keep telling me that the girls need a lot of rest. The school matron has even threatened to call in "Dr Jem", a very bossy man whom for some reason they all seem to hero-worship, to countermand my instructions: he's married to the school's owner, but as his job is to run a TB sanatorium I've got no idea what he knows about teaching. I'm starting to get the impression that no-one likes me, even though I'm just trying to do my best for the pupils and improve the reputation of the school? What do you suggest? MB.

_________________
We really must stop eating like this ...

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

http://setinthepast.wordpress.com/

Dear Chaletian
Due to a terrible fire destroying our buildings, the school I teach for has been kindly put up by you another school nearby. As you know, it is extremely dificult to find vacant properties at the right size and price in this area of Switzerland. Recently, a large property came available due to someone's death. I mentioned the possibility of our moving there straight away - both for my school's happiness and so as to not to impose any further on the generosity of the other school. For some reason they took offense when all I was trying to do was ensure we didn't wear out our welcome, and so that we could work together in the future, play matches together and so on! Do they want us to stay forever? MA

_________________
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now be quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Dear MB,

I admit, I'm a little confused by your letter! While it is commendable that you - as we all - want to do your patriotic duty during this time of need, how is improving exam results going to help with the war effort?

To address the rest of your problem - it seems that your ideas of what is best is not shared by everyone. MB, remember that not all of us have the same goals in life; while some girls want to go on to achieve academic success, others are content to learn such skills that will help them in married life. Perhaps your school is made up of the latter, rather than the former, in which case you are really wasting your efforts.

However, do not despair! While the school at large may not be ready for your help, there is almost certainly to be a small group of girls who need a high degree of academic success in order to achieve their goals. If you focus your efforts on this small group, and your efforts are sure to be rewarded.

As for this "Dr Jem" creature, perhaps it would be best to just ignore him. That's what the rest of us do.

Warm regards,
NW

_________________
"I wish I had more to do. All I do is read books all day," said no librarian ever.
fanfic, available in shades of Lord Peter Wimsey, Chalet School, Doctor Who, Swallows and Amazons and more!

Dear MA,

It is sad that your well-meant enquiry was misunderstood. However, you may find on reflection that remaining at this other school may be the best option for you and your girls. The more exam-minded will undoubtedly benefit from the increased competition of a larger body of girls, and for youself, being more closely associated with the Sanatorium will give you endless opportunities to make the acquaintance of an eligible doctor - or indeed the choice of more than one. I believe they are now taking on a few male nurses also, which will increase your chances of meeting the ONE,

As a final inducement to remain, may I remind you that it may well prove impossible to decide which Minette is which, so your pet would have to remain behind, should it become possible for your school to set up separately again, which would be sad for your girls who would miss her greatly,

Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,
I am writing to you because I am at the end of my tether. I am head cook in a large girls school. The school is at the top of a mountain in Switzerland so as you can imagine making sure that we have sufficient supplies always in store to feed the 200+ girls is not an easy task. It requires a great deal of forward planning and management.

My job becomes impossible on a regular basis because whenever the weather is particularly fine the Head decides that the whole school can go for a whole day excursion into the mountains. Since they are obviously unable to take the fish pie, stew or whatever I have carefully planned and prepared for that day's main meal with them, I am required, usually with about an hour's notice, to produce a full-scale picnic for them which also has to be nutritionally balanced.

I love my job but I feel that I simply cannot go on much longer juggling things in this way. What advice do you have for me?
With thanks in advance for your help
K

_________________
Cestina's dolls houses - Curtain Up!

Dear K,

Ask your Headmistress to invest in several enormous freezers and stock them with large quantities of little meat pies, bread rolls and ready-made sandwich fillings (prepared by you, not by Jo the lady across the garden). Make sure Gaudenz the gardener always has lettuces ready to pull, and with the permanent supply of fresh fruit in the loft you should be able to cope with all such demands. (You can always freeze the fish pie or stew - by the time the picnic ingedients have been removed you'll have plenty of room in the freezers).

Then when the girls are away for the day, put your feet up and enjoy a little something out of a bottlewell-deserved rest!

Chaletian