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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 31 Jul 2014, 21:03 
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Dear Chaletian,

I have made a few mistakes in my life which are coming back to haunt me. I was a young man when I married and after a short time my wife died, leaving me alone in a foreign country with a six year old child. When I met an old friend, Mrs R, some months after this sad event, I told her the story and she offered to look after my daughter while I went away to do some important work for the government in the USSR. But when I came back, I discovered that this friend and her younger sister had as near as dammit adopted my daughter, and that they had created a tragic idol out of my dead wife, raising her practically to the sainthood - and that they had no compunction in encouraging this idolisation in my daughter. Mrs R had even arranged a job for me, working for her husband and even inviting me (brooking no refusal) to live in their house - clearly so that she doesn't have to be parted from my daughter. My daughter dotes upon Mrs R and her younger sister, but I have to confess I feel utterly trapped!

Now, don't get me wrong, my wife was a splendid woman - but she's gone, and I'm still young and I'd quite like to marry again one day. The thing is, I'm more than a little afraid that Mrs R is quite determined to prevent this from happening. I mentioned (only in passing, I hasten to add!) a nice young nurse at work who had caught my eye - and ever since then she's been going around muttering about how treacherous the mountains are, and that there have been more accidents than usual for this time of year. It's rather sinister and I don't want to leave my child alone with her for many months longer.

Have you any advice on how I should proceed? My daughter is quite delicate in health which prevents me from taking her back to England, but I have no desire to leave her here with Mrs R, especially not when she is acting as she is currently. I don't intend to pander to her threats, however, so I'm off mountaineering with a colleague next week - but I shall look forward to reading your advice with great interest on my return.

Yours,
TH

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Outskirts Of The Twenties: Polari

Non-CS fic: Late Back (Good Omens)


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 31 Aug 2014, 12:46 
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Dear TH

Don't go on that trip!

The Chaletian


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 02 Sep 2014, 12:25 
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Finn wrote:
Dear Chaletian,
....and ever since then she's been going around muttering about how treacherous the mountains are, and that there have been more accidents than usual for this time of year. It's rather sinister and I don't want to leave my child alone with her for many months longer.

Have you any advice on how I should proceed? My daughter is quite delicate in health which prevents me from taking her back to England, but I have no desire to leave her here with Mrs R, especially not when she is acting as she is currently. I don't intend to pander to her threats, however, so I'm off mountaineering with a colleague next week - but I shall look forward to reading your advice with great interest on my return.

Yours,
TH


Oh Finn, how lovely and dark!

The Chaletian would like to pass on their condolences to Robin Humphries, The Russell's and family for the passing of Ted Humphries and of course, our dearly beloved Mrs di Bersetti (Bette Rincini) who lost her husband in this most tragic of accidents. - Editor.

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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 02 Sep 2014, 15:25 
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Dear TH,

I'm afraid that you've brought this on yourself by dumping your young child with people she didn't know. However, you should perhaps be aware that the parents of Mrs R's other ward were killed in a road traffic accident shortly after winning a considerable amount of money in Monte Carlo.

Yours,

The Chaletian



Dear Chaletian,

I have a close friend whom I've known since we were 12. I am Austrian and she is English, but some years ago we both moved to Switzerland. I'd assumed that we'd be seeing a lot of each other once we were living in the same country, but she's far more interested in a new pal whom she hasn't known very long and seems to have forgotten that I exist. I recently suggested to my friend that I'd like to name my new baby after her, but she said that she'd rather I didn't. I'm very hurt and don't really know what to do.

Yours faithfully,

F von A

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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 10 Sep 2014, 18:37 
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Dear F von A,

She will undoubtedly remember that you are there the next time she needs someone who can reminisce about the St Clare's orchestra. You may try to get her attention through suggesting that you'll give birth to quintuplets the next time.

Sincerely,

The Chaletian.


Dear Chaletian,

There is this young doctor that I've known almost all my life who is interested in marrying me, but I don't really know too many boys. I think that it's somewhat unsettling to have this guy who's almost like an older brother running after me, and my parents said that they didn't want to rush me into anything. However, he was injured in an accident, and when I wanted to know how he was doing, my mother practically insisted that this was the equivalent of an engagement. How do I get out of this?

LM


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 10 Sep 2014, 21:05 
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Dear LM,

Fake your own death. It's the only way - and I understand it is quite a popular activity among members of your community, both old and new. I read something recently about an awful accident many years ago on a mountain, involving a previous correspondent - and yet I'm sure I saw him walking down the road the other day...

Yours,
The Chaletian

(I'll come back and leave another letter very shortly!)

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Someone cooking meat at the den of the fox said, "We do not mention this in front of the mongoose." Sumerian proverb

Outskirts Of The Twenties: Polari

Non-CS fic: Late Back (Good Omens)


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 30 Sep 2014, 01:59 
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Since Finn hasn't posted anything and no-one has stepped into the breach, I hope no-one minds me providing the Chaletian's forsaken advice column with a new letter. If anyone does mind, just ignore it.

Dear Chaletian,
I recently got engaged to a doctor on the Platz. Word of his feelings for me got out and became common knowledge - much to our chagrin - but now he is getting the blame for this and a lot of people are saying that it was not very nice of him to speak to everyone except me about it. May I point out the unfairness of this? I was the first and only person he spoke to, and neither of us have the slightest idea how the rumours got out. He was a bit nervous about getting into a relationship with me without talking to my parents, because he comes from a society where girls get into trouble all the time for getting entangled with men their parents don't approve of. So, we had a discussion about it and he suggested that he should go and talk to my father and try and square it with him. I think that it was very nice of him to do everything he could to avoid a possible row for me. However, the fact that he went to see Papa also got out, and this was misinterpreted as him going to see Papa over my head so that the two of them could decide on my future without taking what I want into account. Another irritating rumour is that my mother pushed me into this. Yes, she has a lot of influence, but this is my whole future, not to mention his, that we are talking about, and when it comes to big, serious matters like this, she simply isn't the pushing type. I do wish people would stop judging. He's quite a bit older than me, old enough to know what he wants his future to look like, and people seem to think that I'm inexperienced and easily taken in because I've only just left school.
However, you will be pleased to hear (I hope!) that we both got our happy ending: after teetering on the brink of a relationship for a couple of years, he proposed to me, and I was delighted to accept. As soon as I've got my diploma, I'm going to marry him and I can't wait! But whoever is putting a negative spin on all this is trying to ruin things even now! Everyone is nodding and winking at me, and saying that as soon as I head off to university, I'll meet other men, and I'll enjoy the freedom and I'll realise that I simply can't marry him. I think that, if that would happen, I would feel something wrong about this engagement, but really, I can think of nothing better than to spend my life married to him - and it's not like married women still have to give up everything to cook and clean and raise the kids - ooh, kids! I love children! I can't wait to start a family! But all these people are really getting to me - and to my fiancé as well - and I wish I knew what to do about them - my name can't be mentioned any more without some reference to this, and he's become the most hated man on the Platz! I wish that people could see that this is not a case of "creepy older man uses other people's influence to bully, push and trap innocent schoolgirl who can't think for herself into an engagement and destroy her future". I'm scared of what they'll all say when the wedding takes place and they all realise that I'm actually going to do this, or when I get busy. I've spoken to my mother and she says that when she got engaged, she felt wildly, blissfully happy, and I feel weighed down by all this gossip, and I can't really be happy unless they all shut up and learn to mind their own business. What should I do - and don't say "Ignore them", because that is very much easier said than done, it is nigh on impossible when it is flung up in your face every minute if every day.

I apologise for the length of this rant - like my sister, I have a temper, but unlike my sister, I have enough self-control not to lose face in public and smash things up, so I have to work off my anger in other ways.

Yours sincerely,
LM

That was brought on by re-reading all the splendiferous letters - both problems and responses - in this thread and noticing that there were quite a few anti-Len & Reg ones, there were no pro-Len/Reg ones.

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Everyone's mad but thee and me, and thee's a little mad...

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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 30 Sep 2014, 03:09 
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Dear LM,

Like Mother Superior, I'd advise that you have a "year outside" before fully committing to this older man. At the end of that time, write to us again for further advice.

The Chaletian.

Dear Chaletian,
My mother has arranged a house party for her friends who she hasn't seen since school, but she's decided to have my sisters and I lead various expeditions with them all over, while she doesn't take part. How do I get out of this? I feel like I could jump off a cliff to escape this!

LM


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 30 Sep 2014, 12:22 
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Dear LM,

That sounds bit drastic. Couldn't you just get somebdy to smack you over the head with something, how about a nice heavy bookend?

The Chaletain



Dear Chaletain,

My school is celebrating its 21st birthday with a series of trips back to the place where it started. I'm going with a party of other old girls and I can't wait. But now the school staff are suggesting we should take the prefects with us. Clearly we can't take them into some of our old haunts. Please help

JM


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 01 Oct 2014, 15:05 
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Dear JM,

Casually remind the staff of the things that you used to do in your old haunts. That should dissuade any idea of sending the prefects along, but you may be accompanied by some of the staff instead.

The Chaletian.

Dear Chaletian,

I recently accepted a job at a girls' boarding school in Austria. I was so excited, but in the first week or so of the term, the Head Girl had a toothache and rather than letting me know, she resorted to using rouge and hiding from the matrons. The head Matron then lectured me for not noticing that the silly girl was in pain. I have since noticed that the staff aren't being very helpful or supportive of me -- the Head Girl is the owner's sister, and they all fawn over her. I'm afraid that they will want to get rid of me for not joining the cult of worshipping the Head Girl. What can I do?

Mat. B.


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 01 Oct 2014, 19:27 
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Dear Matthew B.,

I'm not entirely sure how you got into a girls' boarding school as a matron, but we'll leave that aside for the moment. As regards your problem - unfortunately, when the majority of people think the sun shines out of someone's arse, those who are not so keen are generally onto a loser. I suggest gauging the level of favour for this girl and, if the numbers are reasonable, stage an insurrection. That, or knuckle under and put up with it. She won't be there forever, after all...

Yours, The Chaletian.



Dear Chaletian,

Once upon a time I used to live in Italy, living the high life, translating languages and having lots of fun. However, that changed when my brother became seriously ill, and I moved with him to the Austrian Tyrol, where we both became involved with an English school, my brother being employed to teach singing and I to teach Italian.

Anyway, since then I have taken on the teaching of not only Italian, but also German, French, Spanish, extra remedial classes of all the above and, due to what I think may have been a timetabling error, Junior Handicrafts. I mean, for heaven's sake, I'm a linguist! I don't know what on earth one is supposed to do with raffia!

In return, I am barely noticed by my fellow staff, never get a say in school matters, and the girls have given me a rather ugly nickname which my colleagues have picked up and delight in using, without asking whether I mind my name being completely changed. I'm not even pretty enough to catch a doctor and I'm beginning to think I'm doomed to stay here the rest of my life, dithering about in the background and never getting any of the excitement.

With my skills I should be working for the League of Nations or something like that, but my brother can't leave the mountains and I can't really leave my brother. Have you any suggestions as to how I can improve my lot in life? I like teaching well enough, but it's not exactly the thrills I used to have in my Italian days.

Yours,
SD

_________________
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Outskirts Of The Twenties: Polari

Non-CS fic: Late Back (Good Omens)


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 01 Oct 2014, 19:42 
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Dear SD,
Well it was a bit foolish of you to move to Austria at all wasn't it? There are mountains in Italy.....

You could then have combined your exciting life with ensuring your brother's health.

Too late now, I suppose. Quel ch’è fatto, è fatto so you will just have to put up with it.

Best wishes
The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian,

Some years ago, when I was unwell, my busybody sister insisted on dragging me to the Austrian Tyrol, telling me that living in the mountains was necessary in order to restore me to full health.

However I hate it here. I have been forced to teach puerile songs to crowds of detestable little girls and I am desperate to return to the seclusion of my university where little was asked of me beyond deputising for the Organ Scholar of my college when needed.

How do I get out of here?
Yours in utter despair
TD

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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 01 Oct 2014, 19:53 
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Dear TD,

A tricky situation. My advice is this: Pretend to be mad. Wear odd clothes, grow your hair, talk in a funny way, that sort of thing. Then, once you've created a sensation, fade quietly into the background. Soon you'll barely be noticed at all, and you can slip away by night, back to your college and more refined music. Actually, some of the crazy mannerisms might go down quite well there, too...

Yours,
The Chaletian


I would write a new letter but I'm due at the vicarage - if anyone else wants to jump in with one, do, or I'll write one when I'm back :D

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Someone cooking meat at the den of the fox said, "We do not mention this in front of the mongoose." Sumerian proverb

Outskirts Of The Twenties: Polari

Non-CS fic: Late Back (Good Omens)


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 03 Oct 2014, 21:44 
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Dear Chaletian,

One morning I warned another girl about keeping the rules and not raising her voice in the dormitory. She responded by throwing a heavy bookend at me, striking me in the head. The entire incident was hushed up and I was told that I caused it by trying to be helpful. Should I report this to the authorities?

BL


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 05 Oct 2014, 01:47 
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studz wrote:
Dear Chaletian,

One morning I warned another girl about keeping the rules and not raising her voice in the dormitory. She responded by throwing a heavy bookend at me, striking me in the head. The entire incident was hushed up and I was told that I caused it by trying to be helpful. Should I report this to the authorities?

BL


Dear BL

This sounds suspiciously like sneaking to me, has no one explained that like schoolboys, schoolgirls are expected to be honourable too?

Anyway, to the matter in hand. This is not a threat but I wouldn't bother if I were you. The other girl has relatives with friends in high places so reporting the incident is only likely to make things worse for you.

Yours
Chaletian


Dear Chaletian

I have recently been advised that I have inherited an estate in Argentina and therefore I was forced to leave school to travel there and get everything sorted out.

I have now heard that the girl who will be replacing me as Head Girl was really the schools first choice when I was given the job. Apparently the school authorities only picked me initially to ensure that the school avoided calls of favouritism as my replacement is related to both the previous Head Girl and the school's owners.

I wish my friend well but can't help feeling I might be on a wild goose chase. Do you know if Sir James and Lady Russell the schools owners have any connections in South America? I don't want to travel all the way there if this is just some sort of practical joke.

Yours
LP


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 05 Oct 2014, 09:13 
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Dear LP,

You should be fine in South America. The only "South" that we are aware of any relevant connections with is South Africa.

As long as you have no plans to move there you should be perfectly safe.

Good luck in your new ventures.

The Chaletian.

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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 22 Oct 2014, 23:22 
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Dear Chaletian,

I recently encountered someone from my old school who has moved to Switzerland. I was surprised and pleased to know that some of my old schoolmates would be close by, and foolishly extended invitations to visit. Much to my dismay, the wife of one of the doctors -- who I remembered from school as the sister of the head of the neighbouring school -- has affixed herself to me, and is often involved in my family's activities. How do I tell her that she should perhaps spend more time with her own friends (one of whom lives quite close) instead of always being at my house?

WE.


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 05 Dec 2014, 16:48 
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Rescuing a Junior from the lake
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Dear WE,

Oh dear, this woman does sound like a nuisance. Poor you! I suggest that you just avoid answering the door whenever she turns up, and hope that she gets the message. Or perhaps you could try putting some sort of "dose" in her drinks, to give her the impression that the air in/around your house doesn't agree with her?

Good luck!

The Chaletian



Dear Chaletian,

I am a medical student in Bonn, and was looking forward to returning home to Innsbruck for Christmas. However, it appears that my mother and father have invited my sisters' headmistress, her younger sister and a young child whom she looks after to spend the festive season with us. I don't wish to be anti-social, but spending my holidays with three strangers wasn't really what I had in mind. Even worse, I'm expected to drive them all about in a sleigh, whilst wearing lederhosen to please my elderly grandmother! I can see my holidays turning into a nightmare before my eyes. What should I do?

Yours frantically,

GM

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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 06 Dec 2014, 12:10 
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Dear GM

That does sound rather like a nightmare, however unless you want to spend Christmas without your family I'm afraid you will probably have to put up with the intrusion this year; it is in keeping with the spirit of Christmas after all.
Perhaps you could turn it to your advantage and get the headmistress or her sister to tell you about some of the other girls at the school (assuming that neither of them are to your taste themselves!) Maybe there will be someone you like the sound of and they could arrange for you to meet with them? Every cloud has a silver lining.
One last thing - when you tell your friends back in Bonn about how you have spent Christmas, perhaps don't mention the lederhosen? Just a thought!

The Chaletian



Dear Chaletian

We recently fell on hard times financially and were forced to move our of our home and rent it out to a private girls school. My husband insists on spending a lot of time up at the 'school' with the headmistress and whilst I am aware he was saddened to have to leave our lovely home behind, I am concerned that something else is going on.
My husband also seems to be regressing to a second childhood. He keeps going on about hunting for pirate treasure (most of his conversations about this also start "I was speaking to Hilda" er, the headmistress that is).
I have not long since had a baby and am unable to get out of the house at the moment. Do you think I have cause to be concerned?
Yours house-boundly

CC


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 21 Feb 2015, 12:40 
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Rob wrote:




Dear Chaletian

We recently fell on hard times financially and were forced to move our of our home and rent it out to a private girls school. My husband insists on spending a lot of time up at the 'school' with the headmistress and whilst I am aware he was saddened to have to leave our lovely home behind, I am concerned that something else is going on.
My husband also seems to be regressing to a second childhood. He keeps going on about hunting for pirate treasure (most of his conversations about this also start "I was speaking to Hilda" er, the headmistress that is).
I have not long since had a baby and am unable to get out of the house at the moment. Do you think I have cause to be concerned?
Yours house-boundly

CC


Dear CC

This is rather worrying, but you may be reading too much into it as being at home all day with the baby you have too much time to think. I can't imagine the story of the pirate's treasure will come to anything, it's too unlikely. Perhaps you could encourage him to take up a nice healthy outdoor hobby like birdwatching - that should keep him away from the school

Best wishes

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian

My problem is this - I just don't like the school! Nobody understands, the rest of the family think it's wonderful. In particular I don't like being separated from my twin brother in term-time. How can I persuade my parents to let us both go to a co-educational boarding school? (I've heard there's a very good one in Wales (Llanrhysydd Castle I think it's called)

FM


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