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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 01 Apr 2017, 12:49 
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Rescued by doctors
Rescued by doctors

Joined: 17 Nov 2011, 02:45
Posts: 790
Dear Jr Dr,

The traditional remedy for these cases is to make yourself objectionable to the unmarried sister of the owner of the medical facility at which point she will be removed to India and you will be left in peace.

Should there be no unmarried sister, you could try cosying up to both the head of the medical facility and his wife. Objectionable as though this may be in the short-term, it will allow you all the time you want to pursue research as the couple concerned try to outmanoeuvre each other and, ultimately, a significant pay-off and transfer to the major research facility of your choice arranged by Sir James the Human Resources Department.

We do not advise turning to the pleasures of the Casino as a solution



Dear Chaletian,

Where are the lavatories?

Desperate of IVb


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 13 May 2017, 00:03 
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An extra hour in bed in the morning
An extra hour in bed in the morning
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Joined: 03 Jan 2010, 22:35
Posts: 1434
Location: Berkshire, England
Dear Desperate of IVb

A lavatory is literally a place where one washes - so these are the Splasheries. However we do know that the facilities to which you are euphemistically referring do exist - on one occasion one poor child had to wait until she was rescued by ladder from a locked room before she could "be excused" (another euphemism!). Surely your "sheepdog" would have explained the layout of the school including such an important location - if not, you'd better find her quickly and ask!!

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian

Why is no-one writing in to this illustrious magazine at present? As it stands the next issue will have no "letters to the editor" page which would be the first time such a situation had arisen

The Editor


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 29 May 2017, 00:34 
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Rescued by doctors
Rescued by doctors

Joined: 17 Nov 2011, 02:45
Posts: 790
Dear Editor,

Alas! The modern young woman rejects the counsel of the experienced and sagacious woman and prefers the instant and easily digested pabulum provided by "Bong" and "Giggle".

Do not despair! One has seen these fashions rise - and fall - previously. Rest assured that, as she ages, the heedless schoolgirl will come to appreciate those around her who have watched so carefully over her early girlhood. Be prepared for that embarrassed and stumbling step; the reluctant and faint knock on the door and welcome the errant and erring child with a smile. Do not reproach her childhood weakness but make your room a quiet haven in the frantic hustle-and-bustle of everyday life.

(That's enough. Ed)
(But I am just getting started)
(That's what I am worried about. Ed)
(But..)
(This is not a Charlotte Yonge novel. Ed)


Dear Chaletian,

I have tried to provide help and assistance to Certain People who do not seem to realise that they are No Longer As Young As They Used To Be. Unfortunately they are losing their grip on the school magazine things and reject my attempts to help.

I have tried sharpening all their pencils but even that ended up in mockery. I understand that their life is Not Easy and try to Accept Things in a Truly Christian Spirit but I am starting to lose heart

Yours faithfully,
Catherine


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 30 May 2017, 13:57 
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Arranging your timetable with Miss Dene
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Joined: 20 Dec 2016, 13:46
Posts: 101
Location: West Midlands
Dear Catherine

Unfortunately you appear to have been placed in the wrong plot. I suggest you write to your sainted mother requesting a removal to any of the numerous establishments promoted by A Brazil, where your unbearably pi self-sacrificing acts and unjustified sense of moral superiorityTruly Christian Spirit will be received with gratitude and probably a prize at the end of term.

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian

I was really excited to be the first Asian girl in the school. I thought I'd be the catalyst for all sorts of plots, but I got about half a chapter then disappeared for ever. Any advice on how to make the most of my 15 pages of fame?

yours
Ignored of India


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 30 May 2017, 19:52 
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Somehow making an enemy
Somehow making an enemy

Joined: 29 May 2009, 18:01
Posts: 253
Location: North west Germany
Thank you, AilidhNoor, for explaining as I didn't know who Catherine was. I'm strictly a CS fan and haven't re-read any other school stories since my youth so sometimes I have a rather lost feeling when people discuss other authors on this board.

I would love to post a reply to Ignored of India on behalf on the Chaletian but sadly inspiration is lacking on who might like to write to the Chaletian next and that is a rule of this topic, I believe.

So I'll leave that to someone else. Here is my reply:

Dear Ignored of India,
You are correct that shortly after you were at the Chalet School Kashmir did join India but in 1943 when you got your 15 minutes pages of fame Kashmir was actually still a principality (according to my friend Wiki) so perhaps you should have have called yourself Confused of Kashmir?
Anyway to answer your question, how about some personal merchandising? Get a good agent with contacts to PR companies. Clothing? Perfume? Indian food lines? I'm sure there will enough Old Girls who would like to buy into whatever you choose and be willing to support this, especially if you offer to donate 20 5% to charity (the San? the poor parish in Innsbruck? girl's education in the Indian sub-continent?)
I hope that you will receive an official answer from the Chaletian soon,
Good luck,
the frau46


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 16 Jun 2017, 21:16 
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Meeting the escort mistress
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Joined: 15 Jun 2017, 19:28
Posts: 35
This seems like fun.

Dear Chaletian, hopefully I am not too late to ask a question before the next edition of the magazine is published. I have been teaching at the CS for a while now and feel that I was mid-sold the position. I was assured that my reward for teaching for a few years would be my very own doctor. Not only has this not happened but everyone thinks that I'm having an affair with one of the other mistresses. I want a doctor and I want one now. What advice do you have?

KF


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 17 Jun 2017, 10:11 
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Somehow making an enemy
Somehow making an enemy

Joined: 29 May 2009, 18:01
Posts: 253
Location: North west Germany
Dear KF,

We are afraid to say that you will have to wait a while until the Chalet School has caught up with the real world in terms of political correctness and gender equality. As soon as the San employs female doctors you will first on the list for one of them.

With apologies and best wishes for an accident-free teaching career until then,
The Chaletian
PS We suggest you continue your affair discreetly until then.

Dear Chaletian,

I am being followed everywhere by a young new teacher. She and I both teach maths and I am her head of department but she really doesn't need THAT much advice! She even followed me into my bedroom yesterday evening. I am beginning to feel haunted by her and her puppy dog eyes. How can I tactfully tell her that I am not interested in an affair as I am still on the list for a doctor.

Yours desperately,
NW


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 18 Jun 2017, 19:46 
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Meeting the escort mistress
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Joined: 15 Jun 2017, 19:28
Posts: 35
Dear NW,

From the unpublished elements of your letter you say that you have been at the school for some time but don't appear to have done anything to attract a doctor. You surely don't expect one to fall into your lap. I therefore suggest that start looking more helpless, that you displace an organ, throw yourself off of a ravine and get lost in some fog.

If that doesn't work, give up.

The Chaletian.


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 18 Jun 2017, 19:51 
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Meeting the escort mistress
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Joined: 15 Jun 2017, 19:28
Posts: 35
Dear Chaletian,

My parents promised me faithfully that I could study art needlework if I worked hard at school. I'm not the most academic of people but I've slogged and slogged. Now they say that I have to go to Australia to keep my mother company instead.

Is it because they don't love me?


SR


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 22 Aug 2017, 12:20 
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Arranging your timetable with Miss Dene
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Joined: 20 Dec 2016, 13:46
Posts: 101
Location: West Midlands
Dear SR

May I suggest a spot of teenage rebellion?
Your skill in art needlework is clearly renowned, so why not express your feelings and your individuality with a new canvas - yourself? A couple of tattoos and an eyebrow piercing should do the trick in convincing them to send you back to the UK away from dangerously modern influences.

Yours
The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian

I went to talk to the Abbess about picking up extra tennis this term and Miss Annersley said no because I am busy!
I'm only 14 and my mum is going to go spare when she finds out. What do I do?

Yours
Confused of IVa

PS. Do they sell pregnancy tests in Interlaken?


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 05 Dec 2017, 00:00 
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An extra hour in bed in the morning
An extra hour in bed in the morning
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Joined: 03 Jan 2010, 22:35
Posts: 1434
Location: Berkshire, England
Dear Confused of 4a,

I think you need to learn when to recognise a CS euphemism, and when to spot such a word used with its correct meaning. Miss Annersley would never use the term "busy" to mean anything other than having a lot of work to do, whatever Mrs Maynard may mean when she uses that word. It's a pity Miss A thinks you don't have time for extra tennis at the moment, but as we're now coming into winter you'll have plenty of outdoor sports such as ski-ing and tobogganing. By the time next summer comes, hopefully you'll have caught up with your work and will be allowed to take on extra tennis

The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian

How can I get the girls to forget something very silly I did years ago? I'm now in the 6th form and a prefect, but people still keep laughing about a careless mistake I made when answering an oral test question. Of course I know Daniel didn't bite the lions, but I was far away in a dream world and wasn't concentrating on the question (obviously!) I do feel it's time my daft answer was forgotten, but it seems to get passed on to every new girl in the school

CM


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 13 Dec 2017, 15:30 
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Rescuing a Junior from the lake
Rescuing a Junior from the lake
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Joined: 15 Oct 2004, 13:57
Posts: 7373
Location: Manchester
Dear CM,

I'm afraid this is one that you're just going to have to learn to live with. Chalet girls have long memories. But, never mind, sooner or later someone else will say something even sillier. Cheer up - once you're at university, you can put it all behind you!

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian,

I am a new girl who is keen on drama and would love to have a big role in the play, but I haven't even been given the opportunity to audition. The mistresses seem to give out the best parts to members of the in-crowd, whether they like drama or not. It's so unfair. What do I have to do to get my chance?

Yours hopefully,

YP

_________________
We really must stop eating like this ...

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

http://setinthepast.wordpress.com/




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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 13 Dec 2017, 17:56 
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Presenting your school report
Presenting your school report
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Joined: 06 Nov 2007, 17:50
Posts: 2744
Location: in a world of her own
Dear YP
I'm afraid this is the way of the world, and the sooner you realise it the easier life will seem. All I can suggest is that you make yourself as helpful as you can 'backstage' and perhaps next time there is a play, you will be given a part. As a new girl you really shouldn't expect to walk straight into a big part - it isn't how things are done at the CS at all. Most of all, don't try and sabotage the play, or attack anyone who has been given a part you'd like...things like that have a tendency to rebound.
The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian
I have been treated as a baby the whole time I have been at the Chalet School. At first I quite liked it, and enjoyed having things done for me. But now everyone treats me as if I have no mind of my own, no feelings, and worst of all, no health. Yet I feel quite strong, and I've been cycling to and from school in the blackout without any ill effects. Now, just when I expected to be able to concentrate on Oxford Entrance, I've been taken out of school for the afternoons to be nursemaid to my adoptive sister's children.
How can I get people to see me as an independent adult?
C-M H [known as R]

_________________
to be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
e.e.cummings
http://stitchwords.blogspot.co.uk


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 16 Dec 2017, 20:47 
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An extra hour in bed in the morning
An extra hour in bed in the morning
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Joined: 03 Jan 2010, 22:35
Posts: 1434
Location: Berkshire, England
Dear M-C H (R)

Maybe if you decided you didn't want to be known by a childish nickname and insisted on using your full name, people would realise you are now no longer a dependent little child, but grown up and ready to live your own life. Good luck with your Oxford entrance!

The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian

I haven't lived in Ireland since I was a small child. I've lived in Italy, Austria, England Australia, Wales and Switzerland yet I still talk as though I've never been out of Ireland. How can I get rid of my Irish accent?

B O'R


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 17 Dec 2017, 00:55 
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Learning to play Lacrosse
Learning to play Lacrosse
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Joined: 03 Jan 2014, 23:18
Posts: 470
Location: At a REAL boarding school!
Dear B o'R,

We're not entirely sure. Our two best suggestions would be to take some elocution classes or perhaps have a quiet word with your author to see if she's quite figured out how accents work.

Best of luck,
The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

My sister and I have both been very much blessed in the looks department. However, she's much prettier than me, and whenever someone compliments my looks, someone else always has to mention this. I feel like I'll always be known as her less pretty younger sister and nothing else, and it doesn't help that I'm not very clever either. How can I create my own identity?

Sincerely,
M von E

_________________
The teenage brain can be summed up in the three Fs: Fun, Friends and Food.

Everyone's mad but thee and me, and thee's a little mad...

My Blog: A Way with Words - A Note on Developing Style, under yet another alias.


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 17 Dec 2017, 11:13 
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Somehow making an enemy
Somehow making an enemy

Joined: 29 May 2009, 18:01
Posts: 253
Location: North west Germany
Dear M von E,

We can imagine how terrible this situation is for you but please do remember that you look like a fairy-tale princess and that fairy-tale princesses attract princes who wish to marry them.

OK, there aren't many princes in the Tiernsee area but there is a rather good-looking count living locally. Why don't you try to capture his attention with your sporting prowess?

Let us know if our cunning plan works,
Good luck,

The Chaletian
PS We'd love an invitation to your wedding.

Apologies if the following "person" has already written to The Chaletian, I haven't had time to re-read the earlier pages.

Dear Chaletian,

I thought I was coming to your school but I seem to have been sent to live with the person next door. I was looking forward to having so much fun with you all. She talks about instant obedience with her childen but doesn't seem to realise that I have to be trained to that too.

I'm having lots of fun jumping up at all her visitors and rushing around like a mad dog. However I then get into lots of trouble. It isn't my fault that I don't know the rules. I haven't been told them.

I'm sure you'd help me learn the rules. Please can I live at your school?

Yours hopefully,
B.
PS Why has she named me after her best friend's husband?


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 Post subject: Re: Ask the Chaletian
PostPosted: 29 Dec 2017, 20:10 
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Meeting the escort mistress
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Joined: 15 Jun 2017, 19:28
Posts: 35
Dear B,

I'm afraid that you can't choose to return to the school. Your best hope is for your mistress to become too 'busy' to keep you. To help achieve this you need to find ways to push your master and mistress together. You will also need to dispose of Anna so that she can't look after you. Being naughty around your master would help too. He gets very cross if people disobey and advocates sending them away for long periods.

Hope that this helps,

The Chaletian.

PS - be grateful that you were named after a friend's husband. Had you been female you may have been called Malvina.

Dear Chaletian,

Apologies if I have written before but I can't go through all of my previous correspondence just now to check. I was a strong, determined character who knew my own mind, even if I was occasionally wrong. However, since my father remarried my new step-sister (oh, how she hates that word) belittles me at every turn. She insists that I'm 'too slow' to do things myself, she always wants to partner me or keep me with her circle of friends, she insists that I am a 'broken reed'. How do I fight back?

V-A C

PS -she's physically much larger than me and so I won't beat her in a fight.


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