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Ask the Chaletian
http://the-cbb.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=9708
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Author:  Alison H [ 23 Aug 2011, 12:42 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

I was recently attacked by a classmate. She threw a heavy bookend at me, and it was purely by good luck that I avoided serious injury. She hasn't been punished, and I feel that this is unfair, not only to me but to anyone else whom she might go on to injure in the future. What can I do about it? B

Author:  ivohenry [ 23 Aug 2011, 13:06 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Alison H wrote:
Dear Chaletian,

I was recently attacked by a classmate. She threw a heavy bookend at me, and it was purely by good luck that I avoided serious injury. She hasn't been punished, and I feel that this is unfair, not only to me but to anyone else whom she might go on to injure in the future. What can I do about it? B


Dear B,

Find a bigger bookend and throw it at her. Then when she is lying there still, grey and to all apearance dead, burst into floods of remorseful tears and you will be forgiven (and of course being a member of the MBR leading clan, she will recover fully)

Chaletian

Author:  cestina [ 23 Aug 2011, 14:09 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Chaletian, I have just discovered to my horror that I am expecting triplets shortly. Since I never intended to grow up, and wish to stay a Chalet School girl all my life, I am distraught about this. What can I do to make my life worth living? Please, please help me.
Yours J

Author:  julieanne1811 [ 23 Aug 2011, 15:25 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

cestina wrote:
Dear Chaletian, I have just discovered to my horror that I am expecting triplets shortly. Since I never intended to grow up, and wish to stay a Chalet School girl all my life, I am distraught about this. What can I do to make my life worth living? Please, please help me.
Yours J


Dear J,

Don't worry - there's very easy way out of your conumdrum. Just make sure that you have lots and lots of children, and they'll treat you like their elder sister instead of their mother. You'll never have to grow up and will always be their friend rather than their mother.

Chaletian

Author:  Alison H [ 23 Aug 2011, 17:09 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

My wife's pet name for me is "Solid Lump of Comfort". I don't find being called "solid" and "lump" very flattering, and even "comfort" makes me sound like a cross between a box of chocolates and a futuristic brand of fabric conditioner. I'd much rather she called me something else. What can I do about it? J

(P.S. - my university nickname was "Jigger".)

Author:  cestina [ 23 Aug 2011, 17:27 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Jigger - given that a jigger is a particularly nasty type of flea that can cause a severe itching disease of the skin, I think I would count myself lucky that your wife chooses not to perpetuate that unfortunate name.

Remain comforted and comforting and stop being so fussy.
Regards
The Chaletian

Author:  Honor [ 23 Aug 2011, 18:19 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

I have suffered my whole life from a rheumatic condition that at times confines me to a wheelchair. Thanks to a wonderful new friend who has taken over and now runs my life for me, I am well on the way to recovery. My dilemma is this: my doctor is making advances at me. I think I feel the same but am feeling very vulnerable at the moment and concerned that the relationship is completely inappropriate. Is he taking advantage of me?

Yours,
P.

Author:  julieanne1811 [ 23 Aug 2011, 18:54 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear P,

Yes.

Chaletian

Author:  cestina [ 23 Aug 2011, 19:20 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear P
Yes, but who cares? Go for it!
The Chaletian

Author:  Minim [ 24 Aug 2011, 16:36 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

ChubbyMonkey wrote:
Dear Chaletian,

I just don't know how to control my devil. It makes my behaviour awful some of the time and then my family are angry with me, and so is the school. I try my very hardest but I just can't stop listening to it. Please help!

M


M,

Douse it in holy water. Wait, that'll kill you, just a precaution.

Chaletian

Author:  Lydsy [ 24 Aug 2011, 16:40 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear M,
It's time you grew up and took responsibility for your actions. Your 'devil' as you put it is your own poorly controlled temper. It's time to stop trying to pass the blame along. However, in your defense I suspect that you ended up in this mess as the result of some poor parenting. Next time your family or your school gives you a hard may I suggest that you insist on family counseling to get to root of the problem.

Chaletian

Author:  Minim [ 24 Aug 2011, 17:52 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

There was a whole discussion on which characters needed therapy - here

Author:  AngelaVNO [ 24 Aug 2011, 18:15 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Chaletian

I feel it is my duty to inform you that certain persons in your school are bragging that a Princess was once a pupil there. I find that highly unlikely, and ill-mannered to boot. Why, even at my wonderful school just across the lake St.Scholastika's where the School Captain is daughter of a baronet, we wouldn't dream of bragging about that sort of thing: that's what foreigners would do.

Yours helpfully,
VS

Author:  Alison H [ 26 Aug 2011, 14:02 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

AngelaVNO wrote:
Dear Chaletian

I feel it is my duty to inform you that certain persons in your school are bragging that a Princess was once a pupil there. I find that highly unlikely, and ill-mannered to boot. Why, even at my wonderful school just across the lake St.Scholastika's where the School Captain is daughter of a baronet, we wouldn't dream of bragging about that sort of thing: that's what foreigners would do.

Yours helpfully,
VS


Dear VS,

A princess was indeed once a pupil at the Chalet School. However, due to the school's lack of proper safety measures she was kidnapped by a deranged cousin during her first term here: I bet no-one's told you that, and if the subject's mentioned again I'd suggest pointing it out as a way of taking them down a few pegs. Incidentally, you sound as if you need taking down a few pegs yourself, dearie.

The Chaletian.




Dear Chaletian,

I recently woke up in the night and left my dormitory to go to the toilet get a drink. Whilst I was in the toilet bathroom, some other girls started messing with the door handle and broke it, and consequently I got locked it. When I was eventually rescued, I was told that I'd have to pay towards the cost of replacing the handle! This seems very unfair. What do you think? J

Author:  cestina [ 26 Aug 2011, 14:24 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Alison H wrote:

Dear Chaletian,

I recently woke up in the night and left my dormitory to go to the toilet get a drink. Whilst I was in the toilet bathroom, some other girls started messing with the door handle and broke it, and consequently I got locked it. When I was eventually rescued, I was told that I'd have to pay towards the cost of replacing the handle! This seems very unfair. What do you think? J

Dear J,
Let's face it, you shouldn't have been there. Get over it!
Yours
The Chaletian

Author:  Minim [ 26 Aug 2011, 14:43 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

What's the best pet: a dog or a chameleon?

CF

Author:  Lydsy [ 26 Aug 2011, 14:50 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Minim wrote:
Dear Chaletian,

What's the best pet: a dog or a chameleon?

CF


A dog, and not just any old dog, get a St Bernard! The best thing about this breed of dog is they require no training or obedience lessons.
JM

Author:  ivohenry [ 31 Aug 2011, 23:15 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Minim wrote:
Dear Chaletian,

What's the best pet: a dog or a chameleon?

CF


Dear CF

A chameleon! As it changes colour to suit its background you can smuggle it anywhere without it being noticed. However it's equally easy to lose it so take care. It's probably not advisable to take it into a Dommy Sci lesson - it might end up as an unwanted ingredient in the pie on the Head's table at Mittagessen!

Chaletian

Author:  Alison H [ 09 Sep 2011, 16:23 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

I am very keen on drama and was hoping to get a big part in the end-of-term play at my new school, but the parts have all been allocated by the teachers without auditions being held and I've only got a few lines. I don't feel that I've been given a fair chance. Also, I suggested that my form could put on a play, but the idea was hijacked by the in-crowd and I was pushed out of the plans. What should I do? Y

Author:  Lydsy [ 09 Sep 2011, 16:50 ]
Post subject:  Re: Ask the Chaletian

Dear Y, here at the Chalet school we have our 'traditions' and 'our own way of doing things'. This neatly translates at 'We're right and you're wrong'. May I suggest that you stop this silly nonsense and conform to the ways the school like the other Stepford students girls. If you do this you'll find that you'll be a much happier and thoroughly jolly schoolgirl.
signed 'everyone'

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