Dear FM,
I am sure that your parents are reasonable folk, and want to do what is best for you. We recommend talking to them during the holidays, preferably when none of your siblings are around. If you have take your twin brother with you, they are more likely to listen. Tell them exactly how you feel, and I am sure they will be willing to discuss with you a possible solution.
Yours,
The Chaletian.

Dear Chaletian,
There is a girl at school who is very arrogant - let's call her Malvina, because I like that name. She is the daughter of two professors and she's very clever. I got across her a few times, because she was telling tales and stirring up trouble with her form. As I am friends with many of her form, and a prefect, I felt it my duty to intervene. I wasn't trying to make her unhappy, but it seemed that she ended up very much so. I'm also worried about my little sister, who I think has been babied too much, and so she had to stay at our pension on our half-term trip, while we went climbing. Malvina hesitated when I offered her a hand down when we had to get down the glacier in a hurry, which meant that the mistress in charge, who also had hold of her, slipped and fell, breaking her ankle. I feel sad about that, because I like the mistress, and I think that it should have been me who fell. Because we had to stay on the glacier overnight, my sister worried terribly, and made herself ill. Added to this, the girl who had to look after my sister was extremely miffed about having to stay behind, and she thought that I should have stayed, so she took a bit out if me, which I think I deserved. I was upset and angry, and I needed someone to blame, so I blamed Malvina. We had a lot more fights, and in the end, Malvina ran off and hurt her back. You can imagine how I felt then! Added to this, the mistress who had hurt her ankle told me that I had a lot if influence over the other girls - basically, that I was Something Special, and I needed to watch how I behaved, as I could cause disaster with a turn of the hand. I had no idea how I was meant to behave after that! Lastly, I went to apologise to Malvina, but I don't think she believed that I was really sorry, and I am. Do you have any advice as to how I should use this "influence", and how I can apologise with all due sincerity - I think my main problem was that I didn't really know what to say.
Thank you,
J

_________________
The teenage brain can be summed up in the three Fs: Fun, Friends and Food.

Everyone's mad but thee and me, and thee's a little mad...

My Blog: A Way with Words - A Note on Developing Style, under yet another alias.

Dear J

This is a difficult situation, mainly arising because of Malvina's very different family background. She has been thrown into a completely alien situation and hasn't managed to adapt. Her accident is unfortunate, but perhaps this will be a turning-point in her life. Be ready to meet her halfway whenever a suitable occasion for conversation arises, and I'm sure n the end you'll become lifelong friends

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian,

I am a new girl at this school, and I'm finding it very hard to adapt. I have an invalid stepsister, and I think my mother spends too much time with her and I don't get enough of her attention. They've sent me away to school which has made the whole situation worse. I think maybe I could settle down and enjoy being at school, but I keep thinking about my mother, I don't think she really cares much about me any more and I feel so sad about this that I just can't respond to friendly advances from the girls (to be fair, they've tried to be nice and include me but I think they are giving up on me now as don't respond)

What advice can you give me?

JW

Dear JW,

It's terribly difficult being thrown in head first into a new situation such as this. In my experience, there is usually a very forthright, self assured type of girl who likes to solve problems. Perhaps there is one such girl in your form that you could confide in?

The Chaletian.



Dear Chaletian,

I am frightfully down in life. My friend has recently gotten married to someone I had my eye on and my stepmother and father left the most complicated business arrangements after they died and there is only me to sort it all out. I am going to see my dear friend of many years before attending to the business but I'm afraid that she has a (well intentioned I'm sure) scheme up her sleeve. If it's too outrageous, would it be rude to say so or to leave earlier than expected?

Yours anxiously,
GC

_________________
Every life is both ordinary and extraordinary – it is the respective proportions of those two categories that make that life appear interesting or humdrum.
William Boyd//Any Human Heart

Dear GC,

If your well-meaning friend's great idea sounds like too much of a nightmare, I would suggest that you find that the demands of your complicated business arrangements mean that you have to leave sooner than expected. Think carefully before heading off, though - you never know what sort of unexpected twist her plan might take.

Best wishes,

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian,

I am an experienced schoolmistress who had been retired for some years but, wishing to do my bit for the war effort, recently returned to the workplace by taking a job as acting headmistress of an independent girls' boarding school. Unfortunately, all my efforts to improve results and help more girls gain places at good universities seem to be going unappreciated, and I was recently humiliated when the school owner's interfering brother-in-law told a disobedient pupil to ignore the punishment which I had prescribed for her. I don't know what to do. Don't they want the school to succeed academically?

Yours in a rather confused state,

MB.

_________________
We really must stop eating like this ...

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

http://setinthepast.wordpress.com/

Dear MB

You sound like a very progressive headmistress and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before your ways are accepted and understood at the school. Persevere and I predict a long and happy future for you in your current position.

Kind regards

The Chaletian



Dear Chaletian

I've just started at a new school and the staff and girls are all very nice and jolly. However there's a very strange English lady living next door with a mad hairstyle who keeps leering at me and trying to lure me to her house for 'English tea' and to 'admire her babies'. She really gives me the creeps. Should I call the police or just hide in the splashery when I see her coming?

New Girl

Dear New Girl,

What a pity you are not able to appreciate the value of having such a caring lady living so near the school! I am sure if you try to avoid her you'll come to regret it some day when you are in trouble and want to talk to someone outside the school!

Do give her another chance and you'll always be glad you did!

The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

I've not been at the school long, but I am rather worried when I hear about some of the half term trips. They seem to go on such long journeys without any stops for "comfort breaks". I'm not sure I could cope with such a journey - any advice please?

Another new girl

Dear Another New Girl,

Don't worry about the long trips at half-term. We do stop for "comfort breaks". However at the Chalet School we don't call them "toilet stops" but "stopping for coffee". Hopefully this will make you feel less anxious about such trips and you will be able to enjoy them - and the fattening cream cakes that go with the coffee. By the way don't worry about the fattening aspect either as you will have plenty of exercise climbing nountains and walking round towns.

The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,
I read your advice to the first New Girl about the "caring lady living so near the school". However I'm still a bit worried about going to her house for English tea as I am afraid of dogs, even small ones, and I have been told that her dog is a big and likes jumping up at visitors. How do I avoid this happening?

Yet another new girl
PS English tea? Does that mean English breakfast, Earl Grey, Darjeeling? Or do we get supermarket own label bags? Personally I prefer Oolong tea.

Dear Yet Another New Girl,

How brave of you to write. I can assure you that big dogs are far safer to be around than little yappy ones that nip at your ankles. If you adopt a tone like Her Majesty the Queen and say "Down!" very firmly the dog will comply. The trick is to ensure that you believe what you are saying. If there is the slightest tremor in your voice, it will not work.

However, should you fail to be sufficiently convincing then just stay on the floor where you land and enjoy the wash you will receive from a large, wet, tongue.

Be brave!
The Chaletian
PS You may be disappointed in the "English Tea" since it mainly consists of large quantities of stodgy cakes and jam. However, you could always feed them to the dog.....

Dear Chaletian,

Please help me. I am a princess, and in my own country I have someone to pick after me, and do everything for me. I have been sadly misled by the books I have been reading, and I find that things in this school are not at all as they have been depicted in the stories.

How can I get home as quickly as possible? I hate it here but as a princess I am not allowed to show my feelings to inferiors.

I await your answer anxiously. You will understand that I may not sign my proper name.
E

_________________
Cestina's dolls houses - Two Great Danes - Part Two

Cestina.

Dear E. (or should one address you as Your Majesty?),

We suggest that you approach Matron W. She is not young and will find it difficult to get a new post. With your little princess air you may be able to blackmail persuade her to do your chores for you.

Alternatively, have you considered that learning to do things such as laundry and cleaning may actually be useful for you in the future? The Chalet School prides itself on all pupils, whatever faith or social background, being equal. This may be another helpful lesson for the time ahead. Who knows what you may be doing in ten, twenty years’ time?

One wishes Your Majesty much luck,

The Chaletian

Alternative reply:
Dear E,
Get real. Toughen up. You have to like it or lump it. If you can’t, get the ... out of here.
The Chaletian



Dear Chaletian,

Please can you explain the system of forms in the Chalet School?

I’ve been in the Third form for more than one year. Then I suddenly was in Lower Fifth with Joyce Linton. Then I seemed to “grow down” to 11 years old but shortly after that was Head of my Middle School form. Then I went back to IVa and up to Fifth form when the school re-opened on Guernsey. This would be bad enough but I was still in the Fifth when my big sister, Mary, joined the school as a history teacher. Now I’m at last a prefect and am trying to work out what the mystery is about Dorcas Brown. Hopefully I’ll be old enough to leave school soon.

I appreciate Miss Annersley won’t approve of nearly all my sentences beginning with “Then”. Sorry.

KB
PS What’s all this about my name being Betty?

Facts from CS Encyclopaedia

thefrau46

Dear KB aka Betty,

It is not for us to try to unravel the esoteric mysteries of the Chalet School form system. Suffice it to say that however hard you try, until the creator (sometimes known as "the author") deems you ready to move onwards and upwards into an age-appropriate group, this will not happen.

As to solving other mysteries - this too is not for the likes of us mere mortals. As I am sure you are aware curiousity is said to have killed the cat. Make sure it does not lead you into dangerous waters.

You can, of course, begin every sentence with "then". This does not, however, mean that you may. Be warned.

With best wishes
The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

I am puzzled why we are constantly hemming sheets. My mother buys sheets for our beds and these all come with hems. Why does the school not buy pre-hemmed sheets? The fees are high enough; I am sure they could do so if they wished.

Yours
Puzzled New Girl

_________________
Cestina's dolls houses - Two Great Danes - Part Two

Dear Puzzled New Girl,

I think you'll find, when you are set to "hemming sheets" that the sheets in question are those which have somehow acquired holes in the middle (maybe the Middles making too many apple-pie beds?) so Matey, being of a frugal nature, requires them to be "sides-to-middled" so the hems you are sewing are actually the seams thus created.

I hope this clears up this little mystery for you!

The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian,

I am a very talented pianist, and I have to practise many hours each day. However, in a recent rough game I was knocked over, admittedly accidentally, and damage to my wrist has stopped my practice. Everyone thinks I'm making a fuss about something rather trivial, and because I can't forgive the girl who did it, they think I'm being unkind. What can I do to make them understand how important it is that I don't lose any practise time, even a couple of weeks matters?

NR

Dear NR,

If you're that bothered about the risk of injury, you shouldn't be taking part in contact sports in the first place. Ask if you may be excused from all games in future, and spend the time hemming sheets (see previous questions) instead. And apologise to the other girl immediately. You said yourself that it was an accident. The poor girl is probably terribly upset over the way you've been treating her.

The Chaletian


Dear The Chaletian,

I am a member of staff at a boarding school. I have a very busy job, with a great deal of responsibility, such as rummaging through hatboxes to look for mucky books which may have been smuggled into the school illicitly and dragging pupils out of lessons to tidy their drawers. I get very little free time, but I'm finding that, in such free time as I have, I am being expected to supervise any pupil who has misbehaved and been excluded from leisure activities. I feel that this is very unfair. Why should I have to look after the miscreants, whilst other members of staff get to go and enjoy themselves. How can I get out of this without looking as if I'm not willing to pull my weight?

Yours frustratedly,

GL

_________________
We really must stop eating like this ...

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

http://setinthepast.wordpress.com/

Dear GL

It does sound as though you are having to do more than your fair share of the dull routine jobs. However, I do wonder if you are perhaps failing to delegate when you should. Your position of responsibility should also include some training of the staff under you, and they need to learn about all the dogsbody jobs which I suspect you are doing yourself. It may have worked when the school was smaller, but now you do have others with whom you can share the load

The Chaletian

Dear Chaletian

My triplet sisters and I are at a boarding school within a stone's throw of our home. It's great to be boarders rather than living at home, but our mother keeps turning up on the doorstep to see the Head and other staff. She's rather old-fashioned and we think the other girls giggle when they see her hairstyle (earphones!) and her many lime- green outfits. Although they try not to let us know, this does embarrass us. Any suggestions?

L, C, and M, M

Dear Chaletian,

I've recently started in a new school and no one takes my lactose intolerance seriously. The staff and prefects are constantly trying to force me to drink large glasses of creamy milk and white coffee and every school outing involves me having to stay hungry while everyone else has coffee with featherbeds of whipped cream and cream cakes. Even a doctor who seems to visit the school regularly (maybe he's having an affair with of the younger staff members?) pushes creamy milk as the solution to many problems and doesn't seem to know about my intolerance.

What can I do?

Dear anonymous reader,

It's rather a shame your parents sent you off to school without checking first if they could cope with your dietary needs. I think you should ask your family doctor to write to Miss Annersley saying exactly what you can't eat/drink and why (so that she can make sure everyone concerned knows that you are not just being a fussy eater. That way you should hopefully get offered alternatives while actually at school, However, the trips may still cause problems so perhaps you would be allowed to take some fruit or other suitable items with you, then just eat however much of what's on offer that you can.

Sorry I can't offer better advice!

The Chaletian


Dear Chaletian,

I don't think common sense is one of my better qualities. I seem to always be told off for saying "I didn't think!" . How can I learn to be a bit more thoughtful in my actions?

CJ

Reviving an old game .

Dear CJ,

I can't say that I've ever noticed you doing anything that thoughtless, certainly not compared to ... well, let's say certain other people at the school. Stop worrying about it and relax!

Yours sincerely,

The Chaletian


Dear The Chaletian,

I am the headmistress of a school. One of our pupils has a history of causing trouble, including attempting to blackmail one classmate and seriously injuring another classmate by throwing a heavy object at her. Unfortunately, this pupil is the niece of the lady who owns the school, and the daughter of (the owner's sister) a lady who is very closely involved with it, so it could cause all sorts of problems if I tried to expel her. I don't know what to do. Please help!

HA

_________________
We really must stop eating like this ...

Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open.

http://setinthepast.wordpress.com/

Nice to see this resurfacing

Dear HA,

I have read your letter with concern. It seems to me to display yet a further example of the bias against the owner's sister although in this case it may be somewhat justified.

This poor child has been told by her parents since she was a tot that she has a devil inside her which she has to constantly battle. Small wonder if this "devil" emerges sometimes, especially now that she is in those very difficult adolescent years.

Far from seeking to expel her, you should be bending over backwards to help her understand that she is no more devilish than the next person and that the way forward is to make sure that any object she throws in a temper is light and fluffy, like a teddy bear.

Yours
The Chaletian
PS Are you absolutely sure about the blackmail?

Dear Chaletian,

Please help me. I hate and detest sewing but am told that it is a necessary part of the education of any well-brought up female. My passion is for woodworking. What can I do to convince the school authorities that my skills would be far better used in this direction? Is there anything I could make that would be of value to the school?

If I have to embroider one more pretty picture, or hem one more seam, I will not be answerable for my actions.

Yours
TG (I expect the school would prefer me to sign myself LG but I flatly refuse to do so.)

_________________
Cestina's dolls houses - Two Great Danes - Part Two

Dear TG LMG,

You are not the first pupil not to enjoy sewing and you probably won't be the last one. However the Chalet School does pride itself in turning out competent young needlewomen who are capable of darning their own socks as well as those of their (doctor) husband. So I'm afraid you are stuck with sewing in lessons - sorry.

However there are alternatives in the Hobbies Club. One of your fellow sufferers used to cut jigsaws using a treadle saw. Perhaps you could think of something similar you'd like to do. How about making a simple dolls house for the Sale? You may find that some of your classmates would like to help out making furniture (we've heard that VO is ace at that.) Who knows? This idea might prove so successful that you can repeat it for the following Sales.

Hoping that this reply was helpful,
The Chaletian
PS You wrote LG - did you deliberately forget your middle name? We know that it makes you sound like a sick dog but even so . . .

I'll post the next "problem" shortly.

Dear Chaletian,

I have just come back from visiting one of my “dearest friends” who has just asked me why I’ve never married. I told her with a perfectly straight face that that I had never wanted that for myself and that I was very happy at home with my father, my step-mother and step-brothers. In any case the dear old Chalet School is also my home.

Grr…. Inside I was absolutely seething. How on earth would I find time to meet an eligible man, let alone get to know him? It’s not that I’m complaining but not only do I perform all the secretarial duties expected of me but I also teach shorthand and typing, go on rambles and excursions, participate in staff evenings and Sales. I am expected to discipline pupils (thank goodness that EH has calmed down a little bit since my first clash with her – I won, of course, but. . .), help the new pupils with their skiing and entertain parents (dear Mrs P., mother of Y, R and V was a particular pleasure) until the Head is available. I could go on but if you want to know more I suggest you read that excellent reference book we have in the Staff Library, The CS Encyclopaedia.

Any ideas for finding a man who will whisk me away from all this? Failing that, help in reducing my workload would also be gratefully received.

Yours sincerely,
RD

Dear RD,

You've been looking a bit peeky lately. I think you've been working too hard and neglecting your health. Perhaps a visit to the San is in order?



Dear Chaletain,


I am trying to get on with my medical duties but am regularly distracted by the attempts if staff from the local girls boarding school to seduce me. I can't go anywhere without running into one of them. And I'm sure some of the pupils I get called up there to see aren't actually I'll. Delicate my foot. Please save me

Jr Dr